The main idea I want to get across here is that “if it feels good do it” won’t work as a way to order life. It is certainly not a reliable standard for Christians and really doesn’t work for anyone else, either – and we all know it!
Every question of Christian theology and living has to be considered in light of God’s story of the world as revealed in the Bible. How one understands this story will drive how one answers questions.
Roughly, the story goes something like this. God created everything, and it was good. The first humans chose not to trust God, and as a result of their rebellion human nature (and the rest of creation) became flawed. All mankind lives in a fallen condition; it impacts every aspect of our lives.
God, true to his character and purpose, took action to correct this situation. He began to form a new people for himself through whom to bless all the peoples of the world, bringing restoration. That people was Israel. With a mission and purpose framed by Israel’s culture and history, the eternal creator God entered into his creation as a man, Jesus. Jesus came to usher in the kingdom of heaven, a kingdom in which life would be lived as God intended all along. He was crucified unjustly, but bore on himself the sin of the world as he died – God’s gift to all who would trust him. Conquering death, Jesus rose and appeared to teach his disciples, after 40 days ascending to be our advocate with his Father while simultaneously sending his Spirit to be present with his people everywhere. Anyone who trusts in Jesus receives a new life from God and is restored into fellowship with the Spirit of God. This Holy Spirit empowers Jesus’ followers to be transformed to be like him. In God’s time, there will come a day when Jesus returns in power to complete the renewal of heaven and earth to the goodness it had in creation. Those who have trusted in him will join him eternally in this new heaven and new earth; and those who have chosen against him will be separated from him and the new creation.
The story is much richer than this brief outline, but this summary serves as a starting point for what follows. This context is important, because according to God’s story, nature as we know it today is flawed. It is “under a curse”. Our natural inclinations and orientations cannot be trusted, because they are distorted by our fallen nature. They may well lead us to actions that are not good. Some of our orientations remain toward what is good, but all are less than they should be. We know this and act as if this were true. Every human being experiences inclinations and orientations that he or she knows are toward what is not good. We know that we must resist them. (I am leaving aside consideration of sociopaths.)
From where do our orientations and inclinations originate? Some are present because we are created in the image of God. These must be trained and disciplined into maturity. Even these good inclinations can be distorted into fearsomely evil apparitions of what God intends them to be. For example, it is good for me to discern the beauty in other human beings. However, I should not allow my appreciation of another’s beauty to lead me into unfaithfulness to my wife or abuse of a minor, among other evils toward which I may experience a “natural” inclination. Similarly, it may be good for me to be outraged at injustice; but evil to allow myself to be controlled by rage even if that rage is inspired by injustice toward one who is weak and innocent. We fall short of what we know to be good.
When we receive new life in Christ, we are newly inclined toward living a life pleasing to our God. We desire to love others and are empowered by the Spirit of Christ to do so. We desire to know God and make him known, and to live as He has called us to live. There remains a struggle between the old life and the new, but over time through a life lived in obedient fellowship with Christ and his people we are changed to be more like Jesus.
Whatever the source of inclinations or orientations toward that which is not good, God has told us that we have them and that we must resist them and follow him instead. God assures us that he will supply what is needed to follow him into good and “flee” from what is evil if we will trust him. In fact, Jesus says that he is and that “all authority in heaven and on earth” has been given to him. It is the Spirit of Christ who is living in us – God’s people – empowering us toward good with the same power that raised Jesus from the dead..)
Christian ethics concerns itself with what we should and should not do, as directed by God. It is not so much concerned with our inclinations and feelings as it is with our actions. Consideration of Christian ethics is necessary because we experience inclinations and orientations toward what is not good. Were it not so, then we could simply act on all of our inclinations and orientations. And it would be good to do so. Instead, we train ourselves (for example) toward faithfulness to our mate, and toward respect and love for others even when we are often inclined toward usurping their place and possessions.
Human society employs the rule of law to enforce orderly obedience to a somewhat minimal set of moral behaviors. We know that some are inclined to act selfishly at the expense of others, so these laws are intended to improve society by protecting the innocent, enforcing a reasonable standard of justice. The rule of law can increase peace, prosperity, health, and order when justly and fairly implemented. As with ethics more generally, these laws would not be necessary if we could simply follow all of our inclinations and orientations. However, no code of law can fully specify the entire range of moral behavior. In addition, there is disagreement about exactly what constitutes moral behavior. Thus, our codes of law are more or less incomplete. We leave more difficult, less widely agreed upon, and less immediately critical moral behavior unspecified by law.
However, as Christians, we strive to “take every thought captive”. We are “transformed by the renewing of our minds” so that we “no longer conform to the patterns of this world”. And so we pursue the good as defined by God without being constrained to only consider what is “legal”. That is, many bad actions are not illegal and some good actions many be illegal in any particular human code of law. No code of law can capture the fullness of life with God; but we have God’s spirit to guide us. With the apostles, we must “obey God rather than men” while respecting the law and authorities when they do not lead us to disobey God.
This reasoning applies to our sexual lives. As a central part of who we are in Christ, Christian ethics applies to this area of life also. At issue is what constitutes the good sexual life according to the biblical story. There is really not too much difficulty figuring this one out. God intends that sex be in the context of a marriage between a man and a woman. It’s not a dating ritual. It’s not a party activity. It’s not something that friends do. It’s not something that you practice so as to be skilled for your eventual husband or wife. And so on. It’s an expression of love in marriage between a husband and a wife with the general potential that children may result. It is an expression of the union of a husband and a wife whom God has joined into one.
Once we’ve worked this out, then for a Christian it becomes a matter of pursuing the good in spite of any obstacles that intervene. Obstacles may come from our nature, from our environment, from the culture in which we live, or be of unknown origin. It is no different in our sexuality than it is in other parts of our lives. We are called towards the good. We have orientations or inclinations toward the good, or toward something else. We are called toward the good in either case. Sometimes it may be that our inclinations and orientations change as we grow to be more like Christ; sometimes they stubbornly and bewilderingly may not. We are called toward the good in either case. All Christians struggle with “natural” inclinations toward what is evil. Christian ethics simply does not give much significance to our inclinations and orientations. Our ethics are given by the teaching of Christ in spite of our well-known inclination toward what is not good. Our inclinations are rooted in a fallen world; Christian ethics are rooted in the moral vision to which we are called in Christ. Christian ethics are not “natural” to any of us! To lay down one’s life to love another is not easy; we must each day do battle with our natural inclinations to love as Christ loves us.
Ultimately, Christian ethics are governed by what will be – by that to which we are called to move rather than by that which we are now. (The fancy way of saying this is “Christian ethics are eschatological in nature”.) This perspective stands in stark contrast to the culture and philosophy of our day. Today’s ethics inconsistently assume that we are determined by our inclinations and that we are obliged to act according to these inclinations. Our culture is inconsistent in this standard because there remain actions which are viewed as wrong in spite of our inclination toward them. I am seriously annoyed by my neighbor’s noisy late-night party as I struggle to go to sleep; but I must not punch him in the nose. There are many examples.
As a culture, we have not yet understood the moral chaos that will ensue when anyone can claim they were simply following their inclinations or orientations into whatever bad actions they wish to embrace. As Christians, we must remain clear that as human beings created in the image of God and born anew by the Spirit of God we are capable of choosing to do what God has said is good in spite of old inclinations to the contrary.
There are many trails to follow from such a topic as this. Not least is the place of the Christian community as a place of both acceptance and transformation. We are called as a family to encourage one another into all good things, without condemnation – humbly speaking the truth in love that we may walk together in the light, bearing one another’s burdens. But those are topics for another time.
I enjoyed this portion:
“This thinking applies to our sexual lives. As a central part of who we are in Christ, Christian ethics must apply to this area of life also. So, the issue become one of what is the good sexual life according to the biblical story? There is really not too much difficulty figuring this one out. God intends that sex be in the context of a marriage between a man and a woman. It’s not a dating ritual. It’s not a party activity. It’s not something that friends do. It’s not something that you practice so as to be skilled for your eventual husband or wife. And so on. It’s an expression of love in marriage between a husband and a wife with the potential that children may be a result of that love. It’s an expression of the union of a husband and a wife to be one.”
But, can we bring it down to street level where the shoeleather touches the sidewalk? Being in Christ gives us a new life to live, but it doesn’t magically wipe away the past. The blood of Christ can wash away the stain of sin, but the consequences still need to be dealt with. What I’m getting at is this: what does one do when they’ve already forfeited their sexual purity before receiving Christ? Agreeing with God that those actions were sinful seems to be a good first step. Following the words of Christ to the woman caught in sexual sin – “go and sin no more”(John 8:11) – seems to be a good principle to follow.
But the remorse and regret do not go away so easily, which is ironic, because before coming to Christ – they weren’t there at all! I think it is part of God’s dealing with sin to make me wish I had a “reset” button when I don’t, and make me have to deal with that. Anyways, the question I’m really building to in a roundabout way is this: What kind of effects can this have on intimacy? How does some one talk about that kind of a past with anyone who is a “potential spouse”? I take it it’s best to leave those things in the past, but still be honest about them to avert any problems, but…….how? It seems to me to be the most difficult part.